The scale of it all…

by John Curnow on 30 May 2016 Right oh. We’re not waiting for the large lady in the wings to march on stage. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Nope. We’re on a different mission. So with all due respect to Admiral Sir Francis Beaufort, and also with no offence to any of his descendants, especially those who live in this country, it seemed like the time to find something that worked in with modern life.

How it all came about was that there was a race on in the Baltic Sea, which to be sure was lovely and warm - not! Anyway the Northern Europeans in the area were all on the tracker fixated with the goings on and placings. Sound familiar? Now they talk about the weather as Beaufort Four or Beaufort Five. Wow. It was like rattling around in the bottom of the 44 Gallon Drum of one’s database in your mind to remember it all without cheating and going for Mr Google.

I mean we already have km/h, m.p.h, knots and so on. It get’s worse if you’re talking with the Scandahooligans, because for them it is all m/s, which is fine of you’re into Physics or Applied Mathematics, but not so flash if you have already had a few sherbets.

So in that true Aussie laconic spirit and in this the year of innovation, I wondered if we could not come up with a new standard. One that was easy to remember, said it like it is, and could also make it really easy for anyone new coming into the sport.

Now in this litigious life it seems the Bureau of Meteorology has found the ‘issue a warning’ button. It is right next door to the big red one with ‘ARMAGEDDON’ on it, which every now and then does get hit accidentally instead… Trainspotters will know there’s also a double key slot underneath it labelled ‘Retraction’ for simultaneous turning by the powers that be.
So then, here is the Scale of Oz, which utilises some trusty dockside favourites and should be able to gain traction around the globe:

Light and Variable = Drift
0 to 5 knots = Float
10 to 15 knots = Water on the deck/Don’t splash the crew
15 to 25 knots = Sheep in the Paddock
25 to 35 knots = Fresh to Frightening
35 to 45 knots = Chicken ‘Chute
45 to 55 knots = Dogs off Chains
55 to 65 knots = Moguls
65 to 75 knots = Hmmmmm
75 to 100 knots = So this is an East Coast Low?
100-120 knots = What the?
120 knots+ = Tracy